i feel like such an ass for even starting this damn stuff. all because of some tiny tiss of a tommy problem. fucking stupid, if you ask me. now my friends are around less and my lover has even taken a dive from reality in his own womb of chaos and disorder. my one problem has caused a wreck or of disemboling pain even worse, and it gets more worse. my best friend refuses to give me safe work, away from my other kind, and possibly get back to normality, for me, just becuase he's had exsperance and last time he let this happen his store went to shambles because of dementia and delirium.

I dont know what to do about it, i've seen doctors, nurses, physisians, phsycologists, theripists, counselors, policemen (that i never want to see again) even a rahab specialist, and would you believe them NOTHING has helped nothing, nothing, nothing nothing.

nothing is all i am anymore.

i was born into a nothing family with a gay dad and a bitch mom, a nothing house that burned the other day, a nothing job, the only thing i'm living for now are the friends i have left and my lover.

gee if it werent for him, i'd be even more of nothing, dirt nothing, worms would have fed from my skin and i would have been exceated only to be walked on more.